SISSY BOY 2

This is another sissy boy portrait. I think one way of making any boy look more masculine is by putting him in a dress, it reveals how different our bodies are to the true female figure. I enjoy the muted colours of the main image in comparison to the more vibrant ones in the border. At first I thought the image needed text in the top left corner to fill the space, but looking at it now, I see that it doesn't need it.

SACRIFICE

This is a boy who I am also completely in love with. I think his face is absolutely sensational. I feel like the only other person who would appreciate this boy as much as I do would be Pasolini. He has that look about him, that surreal, european 60s art house cinematic thing going on. My initial feelings for this was a male sacrifice, like the one in Medea.I think the rich colours really add to this image, and his androgynous face is exquisite.

WRESTLING

As a child, I was a big fan of professional wrestling. I enjoyed the ridiculous story lines and over the top acting. As I got older, I started enjoying the men as eye candy, and the exhilaration of flesh on flesh body contact. In fact, my first foray into pornography happened because I was looking up stuff about wrestling on the internet. Sex wrestling is still a genre I pay attention to as I find it fulfilling, both for my sexual needs and my nostalgic daydreaming.

Juan, the boy in the mask, was an incredible sport. I'd told Theo what I had planned, thinking he would tell Juan, but he didn't. Juan had never seen any of my work before. He was completely thrown in at the deep end and he rolled with almost everything I asked of him. I though he was beautiful and he was perfect for this shoot.

KAI

This is a recreation of a shot from my favourite childhood film, Lumikuningatar, which starred the first boy I ever loved, who played the role of Kai. I believe one of the reasons I am so in love with Jacky is that he reminds me of Kai. He has the same aura of constant youth mixed with a slight etherealness. His smile is endearing and he is an engaging, charming person. The border is a screenshot of the film, whose vibrant colours contrast well with the pale skin of the model.

KI'S DREAM

In this image I collaborated with fine artist Ki Jeal to create an image of her own erotic dreams. She had dreamed she was being penetrated by giant octopus tentacles, so she made one and I lit and photographed her. I enjoyed this and the theme of tentacle porn, which is a very lucrative genre of animated porn, hentai, particularly in Japan. The image is lit purely with red lights and I think produces a very effective erotic yet unsettling effect.

TWINS

This is an image I created that speaks about twins in porn to me. The model I used is an identical twin, but his twin is in fact not in the picture. I fused two pictures together to produce the illusion of of twins. In essence I used a real twin to create fake twins. I did this because I found it amusing, and also it reminded me of the trickery of the porn industry. They market lots of incest porn and porn featuring twins that don't have real relatives in at all, merely actors who may look vaguely similar. In essence, they trade not on reality, but on fantasy, which is what I have physicalised here.

BEDS

These images are of Lewis in my bed with red sheets, and in his, with blue. I noticed our contrasting bed colours early on in our relationship and thought it would make an interesting image. The text is taken from various writings I've been doing since being with him. The first was written after our first night together, the second about three months after. At first I was nervous about including this, thinking that it would be too intimate for him. My own feeling are on display, I am an exhibitionist, but I worried that he would not enjoy exposure. I reflected on it, and spoke to him about it, and finally decided to include it. I wouldn't like to think that my work would be compromised by my social life.

THE DEFEO ANGEL

Going along with my love of horror films we come to my tribute to the DeFeo family and and Amityville horror. Amityville is a place where the DeFeo family lived in a large house. The eldest son killed six other members of his family with a shotgun and was arrested. The next few families who lived in the house complained that it was haunted and this inspired a film franchise. I remember them as being swampy and not particularly scary. There was a great incestuous sex scene between brother and sister though, I remember that. But there was a doccumentary about the DeFeo murders I watched when I was quite young that terrified me. I remember it had fake CCTV footage of the son with the shotgun wandering the halls at night. There was also the reason he gave for killing his family which was decidedly interesting. He claimed an angel with black hands appeared to him and gave him the gun, instructing him to kill his family. It has since been theorised that the angel with black hands was none other than his sister wearing black gloves and working as an accomplice. I choose to believe the romantic notions of the former, and have created this image as tribute.

SAVAGE GRACE

Recently I've been having fantasies about being a glamorous middle aged woman with a young and beautiful son. I think this was part inspired by the Baekeland family and the film Savage Grace. Julianne Moore plays a beautifully decadent unhinged socialite who ends up having an incestuous relationship with her son, who later murders her. I feel like I would enjoy being her, except for the incest bit. There were lots of great shots of her dressed in a very elegant way walking around Paris with her young son dressed in a sailor suit. I think it's that bit that I want for myself.

Jacky Bushell is someone who I find myself in love with. I find him so beautiful, but so young to me, so I thought he would be perfect for playing this role.

WILDE ONE

I am very pleased with the pairing of these two images. The first I shot when I was 17 and is a version of one of the Stations of the Cross, the Pieta. It features Jack Rowland (the blonde) and he was a very important to me. He was the first person who ever allowed me to photograph them completely nude. I found him beautiful, with the body of a hero and the hair of an angel. We are exactly the same age and were born in the same hospital.

The text is a line from Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, which I recently re-read and greatly enjoyed. I became quite taken with that line and knew it had to be included in my work. I think it works well with the picture of Lewis next to it, who I think has a really fascinating mouth and very full pink lips.