It is said that experiencing orgasm is like experiencing
death. La Petite Mort. During the climax of arousal, we transcend our bodies
and come to know the Hereafter. I ejaculate in order to communicate with God.
This is how I come to understand myself. By thrusting my convulsing body into
His hands I satiate my carnal desires and further explore my own soul. I know
that I am God. I know that orgasm is part of my autolatry. This is an
exploration into the mystery schools of my own consciousness.
If mainstream pornography can be compared to a major
religion, then what I intend to uncover are the esoteric mysteries of that
orthodoxy.
The growth of the sexual being from birth until adulthood is
what I intend to study. This is comparable in many ways to the growth of the
Christian church. From infancy to the age of around twelve(early adolescence)
our manias are a melting pot of fantasy and imagination, we worshipped many
things, many different people. We could feel beyond what now know, purely because
we had no ties to any sordid realities or conventions. Romance could be felt
but not quantified, it wasn’t material. Love was in abundance. A parent plays
the role of the Messiah, bringing an ideology to our infant hearts. The
concepts of relationships and families, monogamy and dedication are introduced
and begin to germinate. The message is clear; Love, untouchable, all consuming
love is message, the common goal, the aspiration, and with love comes the
arousing spiritual connection between people. It is erotic, but not in the
sordid way we assume. It is metaphysical erotica. It is a spiritual stirring, a
movement of stars.
But then comes the fascist institutions of commercial
pornography to give us new direction, new meanings for love. If our infant
souls exist in the realms of early religions and cosmic mysteries, then
commercial pornography plays the role of the Roman Catholic Church, taking a
message that was preached to us by a messiah and twisting it for its own ends.
The Roman Catholic Church seized power by taking elements of what we knew and
suspected and believed and contorted it all together, making it one of the most
powerful institutions the world has ever known, much as commercial pornography
has. It provided us with a new mania, that of sex, carnal, animal sex. Now this in itself is not unjust, or
reprehensible, but we begin to invest too much of ourselves in it. Catholics
preach love, forgiveness, loyalty, all admirable qualities, but with it comes
dogma, close mindedness and hatred. Commercial porn teaches us to explore our
own sexual beings, it lets us know we are not alone in the world of erotic
thought, and gives us access to a higher form of fantasy and arousal, but it
also breeds forms of sexism, increasing senses of entitlement and
dissatisfaction, and above all, it limits us. When one practices the act of
masturbation to excess, one becomes less reactive to the touch of others.
To become truly enlightened of our sexual selves, we need to
take the higher forms of self awareness we get from pornography and mix it with
the esoteric ideologies of love and connection from our youth. We can form
hybrids of dream, erotic fantasy and memory and access more than we ever
dreamed possible. This way we can create newer and higher form of fantasy and
can transcend ourselves and know our true Gods; ourselves.
In my generation, the pivotal role of Emperor Constantine
was filled by computers and the Internet. Computers were created to allow us to
have easier lives, to unite us in the way that Constantine did. The Roman
Catholic Church used Constantine to spread their own dogma throughout the known
world, he was their medium. The internet spread pornography everywhere and made
it one of the most accessible forms of visual culture ever known.
Through images I will fuse together fantasy, memory and
performance and compile a dossier of esoteric erotica. By this, I mean images
that stir some arousing chord within me, despite perhaps not being overly
sensual to others.
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