These are two pictures of me at the age of 17. I wore women's clothes for perhaps the majority of that year, and with that came an astonishing sexual awakening. Despite not being the prettiest, or the most feminine transvestite around, just the mere virtue of being young looking weird was enough to make me eligible for worship in certain bars that I started to frequent. I knew that the power I felt was fleeting, I knew it shouldn't validate me as a person, but it taught me to value my youth and to experience all that was available to me. I'm sure that it would be a lot harder to find myself in a situation where my body was being worshiped by ten different men at once at the age of thirty than it is for a precocious seventeen year old.
I feel I should point out that at no point did I want to become a woman, I simply wanted to be as glamorous, powerful and as beautiful as one. When I got older, strong, slightly masculine women became my ideals of beauty, such as Maria Callas.
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